If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
