I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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