sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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