ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
