so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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