We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
