i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
