Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
