You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am available for nakedness
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