I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
