we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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