he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize