I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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