its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
