party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
