Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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