ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize