Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
