she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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