some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
