tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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