that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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