you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
