She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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