I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
