put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
