What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk is not a location!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
