Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
