is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
