btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
