Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
this is an emotional support booty call
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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