I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
