i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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