I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
