All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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