i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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