The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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