You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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