Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
