we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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