no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
