We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
