Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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