Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
