i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just high enough for therapy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
