Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
