Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
