What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
