They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
