he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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