my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
