Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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