no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
