If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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