I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just googled if crying burns calories
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
