I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize