Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
