i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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