He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
