dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
