i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
