I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize