This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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