Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
