I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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