We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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