Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
