so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
