I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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