she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize