I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
