If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
