Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
