i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
