Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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