I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
