capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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