I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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