Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
