I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
