what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
