I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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