I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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