when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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