I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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